Did I make a mistake, or didn't I?
You can't put a price on experience, goodness knows I found plenty of that. And you can't put a price on the people you meet along the way. At least a few of those people helped me out in a big way. There's also something to be said for the accomplishment of achieving a big goal, even if it didn't end quite where you had hoped.
But you also can't get back lost time with the people you care about most. Those that could have used your presence. Those that are getting on in years. Some close relationships that are no longer. You gave those up to make new relationships, and now those will be lost too.
Reasons for moving on far outweigh those for staying. But take in account the weight of those reasons and it makes things a little closer. After all, considering all the maladies I've experienced as a result of the last 7 years, I'm left with what I started with...an uncertain future.
And that above all is what I really can't stand the most. I strive for contentment, and content I've never been. Comfort, I haven't had that since I was a kid. I know I'm not alone in this regard, but that doesn't matter to me. I should have done better, but I got lost somewhere along the way.
Is this all life is? Trading one thing for another? I'll trade my business for time with my family. Trade pride of ownership for watching my nephew play football. Trade being my own boss for talks with my nieces. Relationships that I've made with my customers will be lost so I can perhaps rekindle others that have faded.
I try to be optimistic about things, but the realistic side of me says it won't be as easy as I hope. I'd like to think that I'll remain friends with some people that I've met thanks to this business, but those will fade as the paradigm shifts. This bothers me to no end with one person in particular, but my old man turns 70 tomorrow and I just want to...build something with him. We're a good team, he and I, and we've never really been able to take advantage of that.
So my decision has been made. I'm not saying good-bye, but I am. I'll still be around, but it's the beginning of the end. Nothing stays the same when you shake the foundation. I can handle change. I can handle taking yet another chance. It just remains to be seen how I'll handle losing so much in such a short span of time.
I'm leaning right now towards no, I didn't make a mistake. Life is nothing if you don't take a few chances. But I'm soon to be at yet another self made cross road. Time will tell if the things I say made the past 7 years worthwhile, relationships, experience, confidence in myself to succeed, if just in part, will be enough to lead me in better directions in the future. Only then will I know for sure.
